How to get through the week when you don't have a job
One of the most difficult things about being unemployed is trying to figure out what to do with your day. Everyone's reaction seems to be "Spend your time applying for jobs!". That works the first week. The first week of unemployment was spent applying for ALL OF THE JOBS. I was dropping my resume like it was made of napalm and craigslist was Vietnam.
Please hire her. We want to live.
Because I have pretty clear cut professional goals, after about a week I had decimated the job market and had, quite literally, run out of jobs to apply for. At first this made me feel pretty good. I had accomplished something! After that, I have been checking job sites every day and applying for any new positions that show up, but it's down to one or two every two to three days. That's when the mind-numbing horribly intense oh-my-god-I-want-to-die boredom kicks in. However, I think I have mastered a simple schedule for the week that helps me get through the days while all of my friends are off contributing something to the world.
Monday:
Wake up early feeling like you will get a lot accomplished today. Shower. Cook yourself an amazing and healthy breakfast. Sit down while you watch the morning news show and make a list of all of the things you can do now that you have so much time on your hands.
TO DO:
Mop the floors.Wipe down baseboards.
Organize sock drawer.
Clean out closets and bag up any clothes that don't fit/that you don't wear to donate to charity.
Feed the kidnapped child you keep in the linen closet.
Once the morning news show is over you will notice that Law and Order has come on. Proceed to watch 12 straight hours of Law and Order. Fall asleep on your couch and eventually move to your bed at around 3 am.
Tuesday:
Because you went to bed so late last night, you wake up a tad later than on Monday, but get up around 10. Realize that if you are going to get anything done, you should probably leave the house. Grab your laptop and head to a nearby coffee shop. You intend to spend the day applying for jobs, then remember that you already applied for all of them. Sulk while you drink coffee. Write a fake cover letter to make yourself feel better. Get the brilliant idea (that no one has ever had ever before) to start a blog about finding a job. Spend the rest of the day writing overly dramatic self involved posts about the misery of your life while you drink the large French press coffee that is actually intended for four people. Go home wired out of your mind and don't go to bed until the sun is coming up.
Wednesday:
Sleep all day. Wake up at 10pm. Masturbate for four hours and go back to sleep.
Thursday:
Decide to do something you've always been meaning to do, like learn Elvish or Klingon... basically anything that will never get you laid unless you are at a con and the object of your desire is in a large stuffed animal costume. Do research on it all day, and then around 9pm cry yourself to sleep because your life is SO SAD.
Friday:
Wake up after noon. Rationalize that it is officially the weekend. Get drunk. Stay that way until Sunday night. Rinse and repeat.
Hope that's helpful to all you other unemployed folks out there! Thanks to some special contributors (Athene, Maggie M, and Elsha... followers on my facebook page) for ideas of how to get through the day!
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